The 3rd Dream

I had another dream a few weeks back.  This dream took place in what was supposed to be Justin's kitchen at his apartment.  It didn't look like his kitchen did.  Like it often is in dreams - familiar places are exchanged with strange, never seen places.  We were packing up the kitchen in preparation for his move to the new house he bought.  He was acting silly like he always did, cracking jokes and making faces.  At one point, he laid down on the floor like he was on a cross, then he put his arms by his side (like they were in his coffin) and I freaked out.  Told him I didn't like him doing that.  It upset me because he looked dead when he did it.  He hopped up off the floor and looked at me sad and told me that he was sorry.  Then he cheered right up and told me that he had been thinking for a while that it might be time for him to go home to the Morning Star.  I don't know what he meant by that.  I told him that I didn't want him to go anywhere, that I wanted him to stay here.  He just kinda looked at me and said that he felt it was time though.  It upset me, and then I got mad at him for pretending he was dead on the floor.  I told him that I didn't like him playing like that, and he just laughed and said he was sorry, that he was tired and was pretending to take a nap.  Then I "woke up" from that dream, to be talking to other people and I was talking about how I had a bad dream that Justin had died.  I was going on about how I was so relieved that it was only a nightmare... then I think I started actually REALLY waking up.  I started thinking about it, and realizing that it really WAS real that Justin had died.  I am pretty sure I was crying pretty loudly in my sleep because I woke myself up to it and Ed was looking at me asking me if I was OK.  I wasn't.  I was devastated all over again... it felt so good to think it was a nightmare and not real.  Sometimes dreams can be so cruel, and other times they provide such comfort.

That dream really set me off balance for a while.  I dont understand what he meant by Morning Star.  I looked it up on Wikipedia, and its basically a name used to describe all sorts of things - another name for Jesus, another name for Lucifer, Eosphorus, the "dawn-bearer" in Greek mythology and Morning Star, one of the Zorya, gods in Slavic mythology. (taken right from Wikipedia FYI)  Its not something he would have ever said in life, so I find it so odd for him to say it in a dream.  I wish I understood more, and it has certainly lit a fire under me to figure out what the Morning Star really is.  I suppose its probably something my imagination is fueling, but it still makes me wonder.  I do believe that people can come to you in your dreams.  I am not a religious person by any stretch, but I am certainly not someone who doesnt believe in some sort of afterlife.  I just dont know what it is, and I just cant fathom that there wouldnt be one.   Might make me a fool, but it does give me comfort.